life lessons from cocktail (besides that everyone loves kokomo)

I’m both feeling sick and extremely tired, down with a flu, but here’s something to keep you all entertained.

  Note: the following piece is tongue-in-cheek/satire/etc.

On Friday I watched ‘Cocktail’, and learned some important life lessons:

Running away to the tropics, especially when you have no money to get there, really works!!! And no one in Jamaica gets offended when you poorly imitate their accent.

Babysitters who have crazy adventures grow up to be rich-girls who paint fabulous art. Furthermore, she may act like a prude, but soon she’ll be seducing you under a waterfall. IT’S PROVEN.


Men can’t say no to a dare. THEY CAN’T. If anyone so much as implies that they can’t do something, THEY WILL. But also, WE SHOULDN’T BLAME THEM FOR IT. “Boys will be boys” and all that.

People in bars love poorly-constructed, cheesy, barely rhyming poems. And the drunks often demand poetry!!!!



Can’t get the girl you want? Follow her to work, then sneak up to her family’s penthouse TWICE. Guaranteed to win her heart. (See: Almie Rose & Jezebel on creepy but deemed-romantic actions).


People will actually go to a bar called ‘Cocktails & Dreams’.