The Mask of Satan (Mario Bava, 1960)

 

 

 

 

 

Why “White Men Can’t Jump” Is A Great (or at least, Mildly Good) Movie

 

Gloria Clemente is one funny, very sassy, and gorgeous woman. She doesn’t put up with any nonsense from her man. AND she does quite well on Jeopardy! Making her definitely someone to be emulated.

 

The “cool guys” wear spandex bright shorts and their socks pulled up, and the “chump” wears baggy ones with short socks… huh. There’s some perspective for you.

 

It teaches a valuable lesson: DON’T GAMBLE. Or maybe, DON’T GET INVOLVED WITH LOAN SHARK GANGSTER-TYPES.

 

It reminds us just how heinous baseball caps can be. Think these guys bonded over needing cash? No, they bonded over their ridiculously ugly and mostly impractical baseball caps.

shredder vS. shredder

Today, at my ever-so-lovely office summer job, I was once again accosted by a huge pile of outdated, yet confidential, papers to shred.  Paper shredders are temperamental at best.
Yet, I can barely hear the word shredder and not think of the infamous villain from Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles. Shredder is dangerous, sharp and metallic in every way, and damn hard to kill.

But which is the greater evil?



Toughness:
Villain Shredder™, as I said before, is very hard to kill, as evidenced in the original Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles live-action movie. He also can create mutant fighters to supplement the Foot Clan in the case of an emergency.
Paper Shredder™ is also rather tough to take down. Armed with hot metal teeth (something like his villain counterpart), Paper Shredder may not be heavy on the offense but definitely does the job on the defence.
 

Irritability:
Paper Shredder™ gets irritated extremely easily. If the paper that goes in is just slightly too thick, or the door is open 1mm wider than it should be, watch out for your eardrums!

Villain Shredder™ enjoys a good shouting match as well, and gets angry about things that seem almost as insignificant, except for when it comes to battles and donuts….

Weaknesses:

Leonardo is the only TMNT who was able to injure Villain Shredder™ throughout the older movies, and in the newest incarnation Villain Shredder™ is actually decapitated by this turtle. Briefly: a mutant turtle with a Renaissance name.
Paper Shredder™ really is just… a paper shredder. Anything other than that – for example, a simple floppy disk – could send it into a tizzy, and if it fights, render the machine unusable.

Overall Verdict:
Villain Shredder™ seems to win on both Toughness and Irritability, though his Weakness is rather strong. Villain Shredder™ defeats Paper Shredder™!

And since Villain Shredder™ was defeated, we can only hope that one day we will be able to destroy Paper Shredder(s)™ as well! Maybe with the help of a few old friends…

life lessons from cocktail (besides that everyone loves kokomo)

I’m both feeling sick and extremely tired, down with a flu, but here’s something to keep you all entertained.

  Note: the following piece is tongue-in-cheek/satire/etc.

On Friday I watched ‘Cocktail’, and learned some important life lessons:

Running away to the tropics, especially when you have no money to get there, really works!!! And no one in Jamaica gets offended when you poorly imitate their accent.

Babysitters who have crazy adventures grow up to be rich-girls who paint fabulous art. Furthermore, she may act like a prude, but soon she’ll be seducing you under a waterfall. IT’S PROVEN.


Men can’t say no to a dare. THEY CAN’T. If anyone so much as implies that they can’t do something, THEY WILL. But also, WE SHOULDN’T BLAME THEM FOR IT. “Boys will be boys” and all that.

People in bars love poorly-constructed, cheesy, barely rhyming poems. And the drunks often demand poetry!!!!



Can’t get the girl you want? Follow her to work, then sneak up to her family’s penthouse TWICE. Guaranteed to win her heart. (See: Almie Rose & Jezebel on creepy but deemed-romantic actions).


People will actually go to a bar called ‘Cocktails & Dreams’.

1930s Lynchian Expressionism? Sign Me up!

Another movie recently on my roster: The Saddest Music in the World (2003).



Featuring:

• a sociopathic Broadway producer
• his militant retired RCMP father
• the woman who loves the producer, but the father loves her.
• a pair of glass legs filled with beer
• a Serbian amnesiac nymphomaniac
• a grieving, hunch-backed cellist
• a worldwide competition for which country has the saddest music
• beautiful 1930s-style cinematography

Want to forget all your troubles and become a nymphomaniac? Sing in dulcet tones while high on a swing above a crowd?  Then try this outfit, which Narcissa would adore!

Items in this set:
Black Contrast Knit Tunic by Wal G**, $50
Faux Fur Jacket by Motel**, $140
Organic Cotton Ribbed Tights, 25 GBP
Bordello Shoes - Two-Tone Mary Jane Pumps in Black and Tan with..., $50
Rhinestone Drop Dangle Earrings, $6.80

Want to make a good deal of cash? Win back the man you loved but never loved you? Reign over town as a marketing maven? Lady Port Huntley could help you out there!

Items in this set:
Gold Chain Effect Dress, 120 GBP
Crochet Back Panel Shrug, $18
Erin Bejeweled Pump, $23
Asymmetrical Wool Cloche Hat - Women's Clothing and Apparel - Chic..., $28
Christian Dior - Rouge Dior Lipcolor No. 752 Red Premiere, $28

Obviously, I recommend everyone go and download or rent this.

Movie Review: THE UNBORN

Can you say "movie-that-looked-B-list-and-shitty-but-was-actually-one-of-the-scariest-I've-seen-in-a-while" three times fast?

It sounds like this

The Unborn is about a young woman who suddenly begins to be haunted by what she believes is her deceased (died in the womb) twin brother. She does more research and finds out that it is really the form of a dybbuk. This movie has a bit of Jewish mysticism, a cross-religious exorcism, and some of the flat out creepiest visual scenes ever.

Halloween

Happy Halloween Everyone!

I don't do a ton for Halloween, since I'm not much of a party animal. This year I began last night with my SO, watching

and

 

The first is tacky and hilarious, the second suspenseful and quite good!

Then tonight I joined one of my dearest friends and went collecting non-perishables for the Campus Food Bank. I dressed as a doll:

 

It was a lot of fun! I put it together last moment, next year I'd like to make a scarier costume. I'm going to spend the rest of the night munching on candy.

film review

A brief review of Capitalism: A Love Story

I won't lie, I -am- a Michael Moore fan. He's not the messiah, but makes some damn good movies. I saw this one last Friday evening, and it surpassed any expectations.

1. There was a voice-over of Jesus giving out advice, GO FORTH AND PROFIT. This is possibly the best clip ever. in the history of film.

2. Wallace Shawn - inconceivable, you say? - sits in and gives several interviews. The man is amazing.

3. It ended on an inspiring, uplifting note, showing some of the protests held in the States shortly after Obama's election.

4. He emphasized not making democracy an economic system, which is what many viewers seem to think. He was saying that capitalism AN ECONOMIC SYSTEM, has overshadowed democracy, A POLITICAL SYSTEM. I think all he's trying to say is that the political system should come first, and be of the most importance.

5. Major companies are taking out life insurance policies on their employees, without their knowledge. Oh, what's that? Joe died and Wal-Mart got $80,0000 for his death? Huh. Even creepier, it's called dead peasant insurance.


6. FDR proposed a second bill of rights way back in the day, shortly before he died. It gave universal health care, job security, everything.. shame it didn't come to fruit.




Listen to this song. CBC recently named it one of the 20 most influential songs. Listen carefully.